#495 Peep Show- Nathan Englander
Allen Feinberg looks down at his $500 shoes he just scuffed
and is stricken at how far he has come, or worse how much he has changed. His
name changed to Fein, his marriage to a Gentile all come to him with the
backdrop of the new, family friendly Times Square that surrounds him.
He sees one of the last remaining “Peep Shows” promising a
visual and sensual nirvana for only twenty-five cents. He goes in for the first
time since he was a kid. Not much has changed inside that den of lurid desire.
But his mind starts playing tricks as the guilt builds up—not only the guilt of
being married and going to a peep show, but guilt of how far from his Jewish
roots he has strayed. The dancing women turn into his rabbis and his
psychologist.
“The rabbis’ return is a lot for him to process. He has
worked hard at breaking from their world and he doesn’t remember ever wanting
it back.”
All he wanted was a little harmless peek, not of flesh but
of his past, of the world that has been left behind, but he finds himself at a
spiritual crossroads.
“Where the rabbis are involved, there is always a path to be
followed. Either you stay on it or stray into darkness: This is the choice that
they offer. And, much as Allen feels bitter and lied to for all these years, he
half wishes he could live in their realm, where a man is religious or he is
not, a good husband or bad.”
Yes, things have changed, and choices have been made, but the
window for your soul will stay open, it doesn’t close—but do you want to go
through it or don’t you?
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